I Hate My Anger

I do not know the tone I want to write this entry in. It is September the 11th, 2008 and it is my first 9/11 in New York City. What does one do? It is not like the St. Paulie Girl advert, "You Never Forget Your First September 11th in New York." And I do not write that with any disrepect towards that terrible day in 2001, I am just saying as somone who is not a New Yorker, who was not there, er here, who is new to the city, etc. I just don't know what is proper. And then I thought, "Go with how you feel."

But I feel so angry. I am so angry. I want to feel peace, but I feel rage.

I decided to go down to Ground Zero, not to gawk, but to pay my respects. There is such a helplessness with distance and I was shocked and grieved like everyone else that day, but here I am, well, HERE. Alexandra and I took the subway down and walked around. It felt good to see people still questioning that day in what yet remains free speech in this country. It felt right to look towards a space of nothingingness where so many died and pay some sort of respects to them and their families. It felt odd, but unavoidable to feel outraged at how our leaders have not been seeking those that did this to our country,but have ignored this attack in place of a lie of a war in Iraq. That anger has never felt good, but it is there.

We listened as names were read out by family members. My heart breaks for their loss. Are we to say "Never Again" as they did after the "liberation" of the concentration camps in WWII? (As that happens again and again.). Oh leaders of our country, what are we to say? What would you say?

Dana Perino the spokesmodel for Pres. Bush says, and I quote: "The President thinks about 9/11 every single day. When he wakes up and before he goes to bed this is what he's concerned about." How in the hell does she know that he thinks about this every single morning and every single night? I guess he told her that? How sincere can that be when you are telling the Press Secretary of what you do in bed? But he must have. And how can we know this to be true? How can you verify this for us, Ms. Perino?

I am so sad that our own president has tarnished the memory of these people by going to war in Iraq and ruining the good will and economy of this country and the lives of so many. I wish he would think about that every morning and night.