I am in like and I can't help it. The "I can't help it" is the best part in terms of emotional honesty, but a red flag in terms of "why, child, do you want to help it? Something wrong?"
Being in like seems to go hand-in-hand with being in fear. So crazy, crazy. Fear that he won't like me as much? Will dump me? Will find out I like him and run away? Arggggghhh! How many years since I left high school? Am I really writing my first name and his last on my school folder?
Why does even admission of like seem to be a handing over of valuable power rather than the greatest gift on earth? Is this stage of dating an emotional stare down with whomever blinks not the seducer, but the weak prey to be soon discarded? Do I want him to fix me? To "complete" me? Boy, I hope not. Do I want him to patch me up a bit with gaffer's tape and fill in a few of the gaps with an oil pencil? Okay, that would be fine. Great, in fact. Oh, oh, a little to the left... There. Ahhhhhhh.
I just want some of that no-nonsense, against-all-logic Palin confidence in this arena. ie Of course he likes me! Who wouldn't? I am tall, faultlessly handsome, impossibly charming, about to land a really huge position and I have a size 13 shoe. That sort of thing.
Instead there is the creepy: I am post-lanky, unemployed and I rush my movements on the bagpipes. What a loser!
So today I end the month meeting him at the movies. It is dark in there. The screen will do the talking. If his knee hits mine at any time it will mean that he wants to go CA to get married by a lesbian shaman and I will have security.
His knee never frayed my jeans. Yet he said I was really handsome. And he wants me to meet him at his work when I am in that area of town. I could be in that area tomorrow? How's that? Are you excited about that? No tell me in 5 different languages and write it the sky so I am certain.
Nothing is less attractive than a needy, panting, leg-humping mutt.
So I play it cool. See ya. Yep see ya. Me too. Yep. Sleep well. Yep. You too. See ya.
Shoulders back. Don't look back. Let him see you check your phone like you got something going on. Coooooool Exxxxxxcelllent.
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