"Facing Fears" or "This Is What NORMAL People Do"

I am on the this jag lately of just trying to walk through things that scare me. Not things like clowns or rock climbing, but simple, everyday LIFE things that I have felt almost embarrassed to admit at my advanced age.

One of them is dating. Especially asking someone out. This falls under fear of rejection x 1000 other items. And then there is the what to wear and where to go and does he think I know too much about musicals. It just goes on to a degree that makes me curl up on my couch in a three way with Ben and Jerry.

Another is dinner parties, or having one other mammal, who is not a mouse, over for dinner. At my home. That I prepared. I can just feel the hives whilst typing!

I have to trust that whenever I have "walked through" a fear before most often 1. I have gotten out the other side and 2. It was worse in my head and on the page than in reality.

And the Tennyson quote of "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." (my yearbook quote if you can believe that!) comes into my head ala "It is better to have invited someone over for dinner and overcooked everything and dropped the ham on the floor and ill-timed the broccoli than to never have the memory or the connection." So I invited my friend Robin over for dinner tonight. She of the forgiving, understanding, nurturing Robins. I booked our dinner in advance like I have seen adults do on TV. She said yes. Though I do not have a fear of rejection in this arena, I needed the yes in order to face the fear, right?

My VISION was to dine al fresco on my cool BIG CITY terrazzo, but thunderstorms prevented such behavior. I usually have a hard time with "flexi-vision" but this time I handled it fine by setting the table indoors with the outdoor open to the falling rain. The dinner turned out fine (I will admit to a cheat of Trader Joe's stuffed chicken breast, but the rest was all me, baby.)

As I have noticed COUNTLESS times when I have been over other peoples' homes, it is a gift to share a meal and cook for someone else. The people that do it all the time are starving for people like me to invite them over. They just do not get the level of fear it induces when all they want is a crust of bread, a salad out of a bag and some pasta with sauce from a jar. The whole idea is to take care of someone else and share one's life a little more intimately. Do I speak for anyone else?

And I hang my head once again in shame as a semi-professional blogger. I have no photographic evidence of the beautiful table, Robin dining with me, etc. If I do an also-ran photo of her it will be in the black, down North Face jacket that I have her in in all my photos!

Next fear bash: learning to live more independently without a corporate life.