Hi, Anxiety!

People tell you, "Enjoy your "time off" because when you're working again, WHICH YOU WILL BE I AM CERTAIN, you will not have time for anything."

This tells me that before I accept a job I should have: abs, written a book, been to Laos and worked with old people. I then look at my stomach and know I am no where near any of it.

Then panic.

Here is my everyday TO DO list:

Blog
Gym
Practice pipes
Go to a meeting
Meditate/Pray
Learn multi-media
Clutter clear apartment
Clutter clear computer
Take better care of skin
Read
Do something with your surroundings (ie museum, etc.)
Find a job.

Seriously.

I think I blog and go to meetings and the gym (most often, but not daily)

I have such anxiety over all the rest. I am not a good reader, clutter clearer, meditator, skin taker carer of.

And then I feel put upon by e-mails (It is okay if I send them) and phone calls (it is okay if I make them) and just want to keep all the people happy, the plates spinning and get a job in the meanwhile. A good fitting job that is a pay-off for all the calls and emails and books I am (not )reading and all the multi-media I am (not) learning.

Argggghh.

Aren't I supposed to be listening to jazz some forgotten Tuesday night? Or having friends over for roast chicken with sage "just because." More like roast chicken with rage!

My plates (that are still in storage) are not up and spinning. I don't have kids. I have no spouse. I have NO FRIGGIN' job. What is my damn excuse?

I get so stressed about fearing meditation that the anxiety built around it is palpably ironic.

I cannot sit still to read. I have stuff TO DO. Wait, reading is on my TO DO list. But I can't right now. I have to check the stove.

Oh, the phone calls. More and more. I am not saying I want no one to call me. Please don't do that, but I can't call you back.

I am Amy in "Company." Today I am her.

Ohhhhhhhmmmmmm.

No. Stop. I have to do the dishes and then think of ten jobs I could see myself doing.

Oh, I forgot to call... Wait, I have to take out the garbage. I will do that and then meditate which will clear my head to find work.

I think I am going to watch "The Daily Show" from last night.

I hate Sarah Palin. Rage. I hate her. THIS is a good use of time! Here we go. I will send out 100 e-mails telling people in CA to vote NO on 8.

Ohhmmmmmm.

Wait. Did I get back about that? Did I arrange someone to speak at this? Where are my bagpipes?

Wait. It is nightfall I have to go meet so and so.

Ahhh, I am home. I can still make calls to CA. Wait I want to be alone. I don't want to speak.

I will watch some sitcom I recorded.

No, this is not doing it. I am going to watch Rachel Maddow. There I am wallowing in rage and it is too late to call anyone OR look for a job OR play pipes. I am happy.

Ohmmmmm.

OMG. I should be reading the New Yorker on the subway!!!!!!!!