M R I S P C T

It has been a long time since I have been in school and today I did great on my MRI test so I am pleased.

I don't mean the results were great. I have no idea yet. I wait to talk to the doc for that, but I mean I behaved admirably and took it all in stride. People change, I guess. I know I have in many ways. You have, LORD knows! In today's little lesson I will use the MRI test.

I should first explain that I needed to have this done on my head because of my Bell's palsy and vertigo issues. I had an MRI on my head years ago and it was not good. I had NO idea that I was claustrophobic at all until I got into that contraption head first. With my face only inches from the machine's parts above me, I felt like I was in my coffin. I felt buried alive. Truly. It was awful. The machine is open on both end and I knew this, but I could not see it. I felt smothered and trapped, plus I was not allowed to move anything for lengths of minutes on end while LOUD noises were played around me. It was truly one of my most awful experiences to date. I was beginning to panic and practiced what little meditation experience I had at the time. Thank God, I got through it. Then I got stuck on an elevator some time later and was almost went out of my skin. This boy does not like to be tied down. (Am I sharing too much here?)

I explained this to them today and they said they could put me on Valium. ( If it is not Vicodin it is Valium with these people!) Well they forgot and I didn't ask. In I went. Some ten years had passed and they now have a mirror you can look into to see the outside. I knew this would not help. It was the lying still that would kill me and knowing I couldn't immediately get out. But I closed my eyes and practiced the further meditation that I have learned and I breathed. It was so fine. It was almost relaxing to let go of struggling (metaphor for life much?) They had to pull me out of this cranial oven to inject me with solution so that they could highlight crap in my head. I PRAY they don't see me thoughts. Back in I went for more. I think I was in there for 30 minutes total. I lifetime to my former panicked self.

So I did it and it was fine and I was out. I want to remember that just because I was and I did, it doesn't always have to be.