Humiliation and the City

How far will one go to get a job?   And what is one open to doing? 

These are really brother can you spare a dime times.  So at this point, anything.

Having not worked in a year and a half, I have gone from "I want to be an astronaut" to "I can flip a burger better than anyone."

I have to put food on the table, but it seems I also have an ego to feed. 

I got a call yesterday from an agency that left a message that there was a job I might be interested in.  I was all excited. My skills were being recognized!

Turns out it was for an executive assistant position that was to only last a year.  --But with full bennies and a stipend for a salary.

"It has a broken wing and needs to be on a ventilator and smells of boiling cabbage?"

"I'll take it!"

I have been both an executive and an assistant so I know the territory.  But it was a huge EGO pill to swallow to put myself in the running for something I did 20 years ago.

They asked me if I could make my resume seem more "admin-like."  Sure, I will take out the words "Vice President, Executive Director, and managed a team of 37" and replace them with "excellent coffee, stapler, and fries with that."

They then asked me to be on call today to come in for an interview.

Absolutely.

I started even fantasizing about commuting to work and having a paycheck and healthcare.  I went there. 

Then I went out an got a haircut and asked the barber to cut it so I could look like the kind of guy you would trust answering your phones.

Tumbleweed ran through the day. No one called. I finally called the agency. I was told "They said you did not have enough administrative experience."

I got up from the chair where I sat all day in my yellowing wedding dress and said to the recruiter, "Could you not have stroked my ego just a little and said something like 'they found you over qualified'?!!!"

I don't have enough admin experience?!!!   I have booked many a flight, made pots of coffee, done excel spreadsheets and arranged lunches in the boardroom for 23.  But that was all 20 flippin' years ago.

I was so upset I went out and got my back waxed.