RE-do

There is stuff in my life that I am doing over now. I like that that is possible. But do-overs can be different. I no longer have to be whatever it was I wanted or be whatever it was I thought you wanted. I can take a deep breath and just jump in in whatever way makes sense for me now.

When I was younger I wanted to be a dancer, badly, but it was too hard to reconcile in my head for many reasons that would be too much like a high school "Dear Diary" entry to go over now. But it was heavy. It no longer is that. And what I am doing now is taking dance classes at the gym. I love it. I don't know all the moves and can't jump as high or stretch as low, but I have fun and I sweat like hell. It is wonderful. I took a new class and the teach came up to me afterwards and said, "Who ARE you?!" She was amazed at my ability. It was fantastic. She asked me if I was a dancer, etc. Okay, you KNOW I loved it. It was awesome. But I am just a guy who likes to take class now. That is cool.

And I am taking French classes again. I sucked at it in high school and failed miserably. Now I do my homework and study on the subway. I would like to talk to a French person in a different tense besides the present. That is the new goal. The big dream goal would be to live in France for some time. Who knows.

And bagpipes. I THOUGHT I wanted to be a top solo player and a killer band member. But I don't think I ever wanted it enough or, sadly, saw myself as that. But now I play in a grade 3 band and I am working on being the most solid I can be. I enjoy working with a metronome and my secret goal would be to play solo competition again.

Dreams and goals seem calmer now and I like it. I want a job. A partner. And I want to be an really decent dancing, French speaking, bagpiper.