What? We Don't Actually LIve Here?

The ship pulled into Miami.  Florida. USA. 

And it docked.

And people left.

And it looked like we were supposed to leave too. 

The fairy dust was blown off and it was time to leave the nursery and disembark from Never Never Land of endless ice cream and rack of lamb and spa treatments and sun and cabana boys.

Quite jarring.

But it was one of those amazing trips that I felt some real completion with as well, meaning I had such a good time and I realized that these kinds of things, like Christmas and Spring can only exist with reality and 364 other days and Winter.

So be it. I got off.

But I wasn't happy about it.

Backstage Tour

Ellie got us a private backstage tour of the theatre aboard the Crystal Symphony ship with the amazing star of the incredible productions we saw.  Colleen knocks it out of the park 5 times a week and took tine out to show us around. 

Folks. I have to say as a semi-jaded New York theatre-goer, these productions were amazing. The people, the costumes. 

Wow the costumes.  It was like a Carol Burnett Show on speed with all the wig and shoes and bustle changing that went on. 

And today we saw how it works. Everyone has their own dresser and all the wigs and shoes are well-organized.  

I mean these people are just finished prancing around in CATS and then are "gavotting" in high button shoes in Hello Dolly five seconds later.  Amazing. 

Last Formal Night

My collar on my dress shirt feels somewhat tighter each time I put it on.  Must be the ocean air that causes shrinkage. 

It could having nothing to do with chowing down every minute of every day on this ship like it was feeding time at the Shamu show. 

The mass consumption of goods into my gullet has been profound. I remember hearing a lot about cruises from the housewives in my Weight Watchers group in Los Angeles.  Cruises were the curse AND the graduate program of Weight Watchers I remember. When Shirley came home only 2 pounds up we applauded. When Silvia was 11 pounds over we gave support.   I never thought the dessert trolley on a cruise would even be within my sights. 

Now, here I am wolfing Beef Wellington like there was too much room in my arteries and ordering a side of ice cream with everything because I can.  (I just heard you can get milk shakes from the ice cream guy by the Trident Grill.  Thank God I did not know this earlier.)

 

So tonight I went to Formal Night with tight collar.  We had a wonderful evening with our tablemates, Bernice and Igor.  (Sound like names from the appropriate cruise demo, right?)  Lovely people.  Each evening with each grouping provokes/invokes/bespokes new tales and different energy.  Tonight's theme was "Secrets and Lies" and what parents do to survive. It was quite moving and some day I would like to write about what we shared with each other - virtual strangers.   I was very moved from the exchange of stories from this wonderful couple and from Ellie. And I have lived enough now to have my own.

My life of late.

We continue to cruise in style.  Life here is just so over the top and wonderful it is hard to describe. 

As I said to Ellie, the only thing Crystal needs is a "Re-entry Program."  Just some way, ala a methadone clinic, where you can come down gently from the lifestyle and the service so that when you get back home you do not have a coronary when no one unfolds your napkin on your lap for you. Or you leave a card on your bedroom door and the next morning there is no fresh coffee and croissant delivered.   There just needs to be some way to ease one way into a life where rack of lamb is not just a given.

Oh my God, it is going to be hard to come down from this.  I feel for me.

Snotty, Jaded, Cruising Bastard.

Today it was Antigua. The Entertainment Director suggested that we really just go to one island the whole time and dock at different parts with the suggestion that they are all really kinda the same. And it is really kinda true:  White sand beaches, aqua water, poverty, immediate on-land harassment for taxi tours and bad pavement. 

As I seasoned traveller of this part of the world now (!!) we are doing what the other experienced cruisers do -- stay on the ship.  Best views, clear blue waters of the swimming pool. Unlimited non-invasive drinks and cold towels scented with rose water service.  Excellent, abundant and food, etc. Ironically the paradise is aboard the ship and not on the islands.

Ellie needed to get some gifts so I made her hike to St. John's Cathedral built in 1845. Or rebuilt in 1845.  It was a treacherous journey up unbelievably bad pavement.  If I delivered Ellie to her kids in crutches and a wheelchair they would rightfully have my hide. And the big joke is that it will most likely me to be the one to fall!

Anyway, we made it all the way to the top and the Cathedral was closed because like everything else in St. John's, it had fallen into disrepair.  The man outside (as opposed to upstairs) said it was too dangerous to let people go in. I felt like saying "Well, if that is the case, shouldn't you close the whole town?"

Dining with the Stars

Ellie and I had the most fun dinner tonight with Michael and Colleen, the lead singers of the shows on board.  We have enjoyed watching them perform so much and they are both so talented. It was just so much fun and the two performers just ate Ellie up with her wonderful stories of Broadway of yore and Liza and her husband Bill in the Original Broadway Cast of "My Fair Lady."  So many wonderful stories and all three of them knew people in common. Another small world right at our dining table somewhere in the middle of the Caribbean.  Just a joy.  I felt so happy to be there tonight. Kudos to Ellie for asking them to dinner.

And Somewhere in the World It Is...French Night!

I wrote this whole blog post in French, but deleted it as I realized most of my readership speaks English. Shame as it was so good. 

The beauty of doing a return on a cruise I am discovering is that if you were eating a fine Japanese meal last cruise in the Nobu dining room and missed French Night in the main dining room you just catch it on the way back!

Ellie and I joined our new tablemates in our formal finest for French Night. It was rack of lambs all around and escargot and pate and frog's legs.  Not that I had most that of that, but it was on the menu. 



What a fun evening it was.  We were so stuffeed we could been turned into our own pate.  Or at least I could have been!

I need to start thinking in terms of New York and Rack of Gym very soon! With a side of spa salade!

The Day of the Iguana

 

Ellie and I took a stroll through Oranjestad, the main town on the island of Aruba.  I wanted to see the old town and Ellie wanted a watch battery.  It was bliss. Save for it being Sunday and a parade day and everything was shut.  But we did manage the watch battery and we did get through what passed for the old town. it was more like the decrepit, Hollywood backlot sets that time forgot and weather battered.  It was a ghost town and kind of odd, but since I love decay, it was kind of cool in its own way.

Then we turned a corner and walked down by the water to sit on a bench and take in the sea. 

A cute little iguana popped up and was pleasant as could be.  If he were human I would swear he wanted money.  We just took loads of photos of him as if he were our own private discovery. 



Then we go up to leave and the rocks by the water were LOADED with iguanas.  It was a veritable iguana convention.  You could not walk 5 paces without seeing one. I thought of it as a Far Side cartoon with these two silly tourists marvelling over this primitive, rare missing link iguana while there are like a thousand other iguanas hiding with one saying to the rest, "Shhh, let's keep 'em thinking they are so smart. it will help us when we take over the world in June."







Decay, iguanas and a watch battery.  Time for lunch.

Hey, Cucumber Eyes!

Add another event to the list of things I never thought I would do like smoke a cigarette, throw up from drinking, and punch a guy.

Today I got a facial.  Hey, whoa.  From a spa. 

Ellie and I entered the tranquil depths of the ship's spa like we were sneaking away from our husbands and our bridge club for a week to have a "procedure."

But it was not a procedure, just a "treatment."  A facial.

Ellie had never had one either. 

It was definitely indulgent.  Lots of product goes on the face, you are in a nice space and a beautician dressed like a nurse from the 1950s touches you so lightly you fall asleep from the bliss of it all.  Pretty great.  But at $5/second, kind of dear.

They tell you your skin in dry (duh) and mine put all sorts of goop on me like she was dressing a salad and then did some heat wand to drive the moisture deep. She said.

I left there and looked in the mirror and I was shocked I did not look 22 and just out of college.  Damn.  (Again "treatment" not "procedure.")

Truth be told, it felt really good and I left inspired to exfoliate more.   My friend Jon who I think should look every second of the month that he is older than me, has taken good care of his skin and it shows. He looks great. I have years of sun, smoke and hooch and Irish "melanomacholy" to work through, but this was really a fun start. 

Tomorrow we get rolfed!

Panama Canal Redux, or PC Backwards

I spent forty some odd, okay why don't I just start practicing saying it-- almost fifty years-- never having been through the Panama Canal and now in less than I week I have been through it twice.  



Having been East to West first, I found West to East much better. The pressure to take it all in, understand it all, embrace its wonder, was off.  This time I got to enjoy it and boy it was wonderful.

The weather was less humid and the vibe on the boat was less "touristy" for some reason.  Ellie and I had our most excellent seats in the corner of the pool area looking out to sea as it were.  I ready my book and took in the canal and the locks all at once. Glorious day of cruising.

Another Day in Paradise

Ellie and I are on the 2nd leg of our trip now. It is official and we have to accept it. 

 Heading back to Miami now through the Panama Canal and back to the Caribbean islands we visited last week.  We have done it all so the pressure is off and we can just enjoy.

Funny to see all the newbies aboard.  Seems like a much younger crowd than last week. Average age 63 maybe?  I think the Karaoke Bar and the casino will be hopping this week as a result.  Maybe even some necking on the promenade deck.

Since all the new folk don't know the choice places by the pool, Ellie and I were able to score primo spots we never got last week.  This corner that is cool and has these amazing lounge bed things that face the water.  Very coveted real estate. We were able to lounge in them all day today.  I am almost finished with my second book.   This is a rarity for me. I love being someone who reads!   Not having 24 hour computer access has helped me take on this old-fashioned pastime.

Great day all around aboard this fantastico ship. We are still in awe on trip 2!

The real stinger...

I was going to write about the beauty off the port side of the ship and how we stayed aboard the whole time we were docked in Costa Rica, etc. but I think I will write about bees.  No birds, just bees.

Ellie was out by the pool and came up to me and told me she just got stung by a bee.  "Ridiculous!" I answered. "Everyone knows there are no bees in Costa Rica." (Not true and I really didn't say that.)  She was quite a trooper and killed the bee and pulled the stinger out.  She got a clean bill of health by the infirmary and we decided to play paddle tennis for the first time on board.  '

We had a noble attempt at the game and then went back to lounging and reading. Later it was discovered there was a giant bee's nest on in the netted paddle tennis area! Had we been any more rubbish than we were we would have swatted it and been stung to a slow death on the court. 

That giant mass in the photo below is 100s of bees gathered on the netting above the paddle tennis court trying to get a free cruise. 



Oh, and it was a beautiful day as we waiting to sail this evening.

Fairwell + Sea Mammals

Today is the final day of leg one of our journey for tomorrow morning at 5am we arrive in Costa Rica. Most of the folk will disembark (?) and we shall stay on board.  We had our final meal tonight with our tablemates Selia  and George and Penny and Gordon.  It is a bit like getting stuck on an elevator - you bond and get very attached, but as soon as those doors open you know you will all go your separate ways.  It makes me sad as they were all so wonderful, but without the ship and Table 51 there is no real glue to stay in touch and I think we all know it. That even makes me sad. No matter, we have the email addresses and can at least send first volleys of photos to each other.

Tomorrow will be like starting at a new school as we have new staterooms and will have new tablemates and 99% new passengers. 

Today we saw dolphins. Or maybe porpoises.  I say off the starboard side because it sounds better, but I think it was the port side.  Why just one side, dolphin?  Or porpoises?  Why do you guys swim alongside both sides?  Anyway it was JOYOUS to see them swimming alongside and jumping out. I tried to get good photos, but all I got really was water. 

It reminded me of all those guys who use those photos for them in the water with dolphins for their personal ad picture.  I hate that.  And I wouldn't want to go out with them. Nor they with me, clearly! 

(Watch, in 3 years I will be 50 and posing with a dolphin on Match.com.  I know it. )

Well, that is all the news that is fit to print from Pacific Ocean.  Tomorrow Costa Rica, the country said to have the happiest people in the world.

Rubbish dolphin photo.

Madam, I'm Adam...

...I mean "A Man, A Plan, Panama"

Went through the Panama Canal today.  Historic moment. Well, for me.  It was my first time.  I was in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans all in one long, humid, amazing day. 

It was a thrill to do through the locks.  I took a lie down in my stateroom and out my window I could see light and trees and darkness and a stone wall.  The water was being lowered. It was amazing.



I never knew so much about this canal until now.  It did renew my love for Teddy Roosevelt. I think he and John Adams are my two favorite presidents, but that has nothing to do with today. 

Ellie and I got up early to watch with the droves.  Since we were not the earliest, this is where my height paid off and poor Ellie was SOL.  But we went to the promenade deck and saw it from all sides.  Once the gates of the lock close you run to the back of the ship and watch it fill up.  Fun.  Like being kids.

Then you realize you will be at this for hours (9 in fact) and you go and have lunch, but window seat to see the ships pass on the opposite direction.

I loved the rain forest and the huge ass man made lake that we were in for what seemed like forever. 

I have to say I felt badly for the French who really seem to get slammed historically for their failure in constructing the canal.  All I heard in the talk was "French" and 'failure." 

Sigh.

Formal Night #2

 

What a great night it was on board the Crystal Symphony. We really landed so lucky with our tablemates.  We just so enjoy them and the six of us look forward to seeing each other and discussing the events of the day as if we live in a small village and are meeting up at the local restaurant that evening.

I had the caviar to start and then Beef Wellington and Baked Alaska.  

 

Aruba

 

"The Dutch West Indies"

it sounds like something from a grammar school history class about trade and the Europeans and the "New World."  All those hours sitting in beloved Mrs. Gervais' class and I never thought I would be here.  I was not the boy who dreamt if island adventures and pirates, but here I am and I love it.  We are 15 miles north of Venezuela.   In fact. Aruba was originally called "Venezuela" or "Little Venice" by none other than Amerigo Vespucci who got "America"  named after him not to mention landing a big number in "West Side Story" to boot!  Eventually "Venezuela" went to, well, Venezuela and Aruba was named after a nail polish color or something. Not sure.

But here we are indeed. In Aruba today.   And it was lovely. I think it was one of my favorites islands.  Just a vibe, I guess.

We went to Palm Beach and went swimming.  Simple and perfect. Not alot to report different that the rest of our island visits.  But much happiness with all our friends on board and how de do's everywhere we go.  Feels like New York City to me in that way!

Prego

We landed so lucky with our main dining room companions.  It has been a delight over indulging with them every night.  We like each other so much we decided to go en masse to the Italian restaurant on board called Prego. It was FABU.  And intimate dining space with excellent personal service and glorious courses of food. I had carpaccio AND lobster to start.  There was soup and salad afterwards before hitting the rack of lamb. I finished off with a sensible gelato. 

Ellie and I enjoy our tablemates so much.  We have George and Celia from Orange County,CA and Penny and Gordon from Toronto. We are, of course, from New York City!

Galley Tour

This ship goes through 2,300 eggs a day and 90 gallons on milk and 500 lbs. of flour.  Not to mention 400 lbs. of fish and 500 lbs of beef.  (About 250 of those pounds I think are me!)

The Executive Chef gave us the tour of the galley and it was fascinating.  I cannot fairly describe the amount of dishware on board and all the unique pieces.  There is just so much of it the mind boggles. I think of the washing up!
 

Life aboard the Crystal Symphony continues its hectic pace!

 

We arrived in St. Lucia this morning.  Beautiful island.  Ellie went in the water for the first time in 30 years.  This after having her first sushi dinner.  She will either go sky diving or rob a bank next I am guessing.  Amazing the capacity for trying new or very old things. I will choose to be inspired by her enjoyment of it all.

Had a great beach day and then relaxed on board ship after.

Another grueling day. 

Twins!

Informal Night leaving Antigua.

Tonight was informal night on board which I thought was casual night, but it is really jacket and nice shirt night.

Ellie and I walked out of our staterooms and we noticed we were both wearing khakis and navy blazers.  Twins!  Like Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

(Editors note: I am NOT suggesting either of us look like Danny or Arnold, but we are equally unlikely twins!)